I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize