Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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