don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
