I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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