My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
