I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
