My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
