just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize