i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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