I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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