He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
birth control should be required to get into college
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
