is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
