thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
