Ambien. No doubt about it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dignity is for republicans.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
