just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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