i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
