Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
