I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
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just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
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I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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