...so i touched it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
