I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
