bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She's the barista slut.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
