i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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