hell yes lets make some ravioli
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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