I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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