I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
