Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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