Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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