When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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