You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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