Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
