I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
