I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
