I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
