Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
