I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
