Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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