you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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