I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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