Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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