i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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