Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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