I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
