I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
