If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize