hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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