Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
