just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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