from now on my penis is your penis
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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