Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
