Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
