After last night, I could never be a politician.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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