Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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