my phone needs a breathalizer
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I looked at my own cervix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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