I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
