I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
