There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
