Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize