you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
