wrigley field is MILF paradise
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
