Soap is not a condiment
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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