the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
